The Motherhood Portrait Series| Chapter Four | Birth and the Pandemic

Intro

The Motherhood Portrait Series is a collection of photographs and honest stories from within motherhood. Each mama shares their story in their words.

Chapter Four Birth and the Pandemic

“I always thought that I would be more prepared for motherhood. I had been a pediatric occupational therapist for 7 years before I became a first-time mom. I literally went to work and played with babies all day, and I interacted with so many parents and caregivers that I thought I would meet my baby and we would immediately be in sync. At the time, I didn't know what I didn't know. My first child was born immediately before COVID, and I experienced the loss of support and emergence of mental health struggles that so many other families experienced when the world shut down (in addition to the usual first-time parent learning and stressors that happen as a natural transition into motherhood).

My second baby was born in the midst of COVID when we didn't know what would be best for ourselves and our families. There was a lot of fear and unknown, and in the middle of it all I was bringing another life into the world.

And then I got pregnant with my third baby. The pregnancy was a little rough, but at least the world was moving on from the COVID emergency and somewhat returning to normalcy, at least in my experience. My husband and I talked about this being our last baby, and no matter how things would go we would consider our family complete. Well, for all the ways I had been disappointed, stressed, and afraid in the past during pregnancy/birth/postpartum, this third time by far exceeded all expectations. It was never my baby's job or purpose to come into this world to heal me, but I don't know if I can ever convey how much healing needed to be done and how much those pains were relieved.

I experienced moments that I had always dreamed of, like my older children visiting their new sibling in the hospital. How much I took it for granted before I experienced the strict visitation policies during COVID! This birth was incredibly empowering as I had learned so much through my first two births and self-study. I reclaimed so much that had been taken away from me years earlier.

I was blessed with a baby whose temperament can best be described as radiating pure joy, full of smiles, cuddles, and belly laughs. Even our struggles were situations I knew we could get through, unlike the despair-inducing challenges with my first two babies. The partnership and teamwork that I feel between my husband and me has become so strong. Other family relationships have blossomed and grown. And when I think that this mothering moment in time has been the best, I would be remiss if I said it is just because of this third perinatal experience; rather, the progress and process from becoming a mother for the first time, parenting and birthing through an unprecedented pandemic, and transforming into an informed, strong, powerful, confident, wise, loving, and unconditionally loved person has led me here, to this peace I now experience and fully appreciate.

I know that when I look back on this season of life one day I will understand that all of these moments were necessary and that in the end I built the family I had always hoped for, finally growing to feel love for it all.”